We had an event"full" weekend. On Saturday, we were down at the Ministry and I have willingly agreed to be tortured for at least the next 4 years of my life. On Sunday, my hubby and I went for Seminar held by our neighbourhood Mosque. The one and half hours spent at the seminar was worthwhile. The speaker was Dato' Dr Fadzilah Kamsah. A renowned motivational speaker and a hilarious one at that too. We didn't even notice the time passing.
I was surprised to see how small he was. He stands at about 1.55m max. But when he is on stage, his persona just fill up the entire room.
The talk was about "Understanding your Spouses/Partners". The target group for this talk was more for the newly married couples but there are quite a number of engaged to be married couples that joined in the session. With the rising divorce rate among Malays in Singapore, the aim of the talk was to provide guidance on how we can keep a marriage going.
Having attended pre-marital course previously, the content discussed was not any different but the delivery and examples given were definitely something close to our hearts.
What I have learnt is to be thankful always. Being thankful to humans indirectly expresses our gratitude towards Allah. Saying thank you especially to your close ones. Husbands to wife and vice-versa. A moment often forgotten - Husbands are to say thank you to their wife after a wonderful time with her.
Besides being thankful, a good practice before going to sleep everyday, is to hug your spouse for at least 10 seconds with love and the husband forgiving the his wife. If her husbands forgot to do so, the wife seeks for his forgiveness. This is because the "syurga seorang isteri itu terletak pada keredhaan suami. Dengan itu, mohon keampunan dan telah difirmankan Allah s.w.t - Seorang wanita, yang cukup puasanya, solatnya dan yg diredhai suaminya - akan dimasukkan ke syurga dari mana2 8 pintu surga yg Allah telah sediakan."
I remembered asking Ez this question - Why do the rich gets richer and healthier and luckier even when they have no faith in Allah.
Dr Fadzilah reaffirm his explanation. It is called "istidraj" - which means Pemberian Tuhan Dlm kebencian.
So he reminded us to be thankful when we face hardship, deterents, tough challenges and even when we fall ill because these serves as reminders. Because only during hardship are we reminded of God. This is real tough. When things are uphill for us, we tend to neglect our roles as His
hamba.
Interestingly, he mentioned that it is not healthy staying with the in-laws. Staying on your own will allow you to mature faster and solve issues you face with your spouse by yourselves. It is also an opportunity for you to learn and understand your spouses. No intrusion from any sides.
There will be problems when you gets married because according to him, "Lelaki adalah seperti spesies dua alam" He said this because, a man before he is married and after are 2 different people. While a woman will still be herself. So sometimes, it is difficult when the change is drastic and for the worse, the woman is not able to accept this. So as the saying goes, "Kau hanya mengenal seseorang itu apabila kau sudah tidur bersamanya, makan bersamanya, ...".
Last but not least, he said, a spouse should be the incomplete part of you. According to research, a successful married couple has at least 12 similarities between them... so guys, start searching for them.
I know it is not much. I didn't write down a lot because I was so absorbed when he was talking. I am no expert but the little that I know, I share. Hope it is helpful :)
