Post Natal Blues

I was back early from work today. Nothing much left for me at work since it's exam period now. Once back, my mum, who is also Izzul's nanny, took the opportunity to take time off from taking care of him. So it was just me and Izzul at my mum's place.
Being home alone with Izzul brought me back to a couple of months back - My confinement days.

A lil' tip about confinement
In many Asian societies, new mothers observe traditional confinement period and practices which have been handed down through generations.

Chinese women observe a 30 - day confinement period, while confinement period for Indian mothers is generally 40 days. Malay women would also go through 40 days of confinement, although not all would observe this strictly. I am not sure if it is practised in other places of the world, but from where I come from, our parents swear by it.

There is something that I really would like to share which I would never have admitted to anyone back then. How do I put this... hmm, I was a little scared being "alone" with Izzul. Yes, I was. I was worried that I won't be able to nurse him. I was worried that he will not stop crying. I was worried that I will scold him for not going back to sleep when I am already so beat. Basically, I was worried that he will realise what a horrible mother I am.
Maybe I was paranoid. Being a first time mother is definitely not easy for me. I do remember one night I cried to myself with Izzul in my arms because he wouldn't go to sleep. I had a hard time breastfeeding him and my nipples were already sore. I kept singing to him but he refuses to sleep. I think he finally dozed off after 2 hours in my arms.
There were also other things then that bothered me. I was feeling rather low (although everyone else is jumping for joy for the new addition). I remembered telling a friend of mine how jealous I was because my hubby was showing more love and care for the baby than for me. During pregnancy, my hubby was super sweet as he always puts me first before anything or anyone else. But I felt isolated the moment Izzul was born. Also, I was feeling tired all the time - it didn't help that we were told to sleep at an angle for 40 days for some blood circulation reasons.... and our tummy were wound up in cloth for 24 hours for 40 days. Imagine the suffocation. (of coz I cheated all the time.. who can bear that especially with Singapore's weather)

So how did I cope with it? Read stories about other first time mothers experiences, also I got back to work, which helps too - and also, learn more about post-natal blues. Knowing that it is perfectly normal really help you to get you back on your feet.

Here are some things I learn about post-natal blues.
Feeling out of control
Extreme loneliness
Pressure to feel instant love for their baby
Tiredness like they have never known it before
Frustration and anger
Detached from their previous lifestyle and friends.

These feeling are often particularly strong over the first few days and weeks. Every one of these reactions and many more are perfectly normal ways of responding to having a baby. As your body recovers and you have some sleep, albeit brief, most women gradually feel more normal and find themselves adjusting to their new role as mothers over a period of time.

Now I treasure the moments I have with him alone.